Ken De Ji

Hi I'm Taylor and I love my boyfriend Jake more than anything.

Be Bad For Him
7.13.13

God I feel disgusting

Every time I think I’m done crying I start up again. If this is what my family is starting to do to me than I really cannot wait to move out

I just really need you right now but I hate feeling like I’m bothering you

I always wonder what my mother would think if I developed an eating disorder. If she’d think it was her fault or if she’d blame me for it. I wouldn’t want her to feel bad but I’d want to her to just stop and love me for who I am, regardless of if she approves or not

Everyone’s spending Easter with their family and I’m literally in bed avoiding mine until they leave. Wow what a wonderful day

I really can’t remember the last time I’ve cried this hard

For the 10 minutes that I’ve been awake, my family has already managed to make me cry. I feel like complete shit about myself right now and I have absolutely no desire to eat if my family is going to make me feel disgusting every time I do. I’m so happy I’m not spending Easter with them. I’d be just be scared they’d judge me for eating “too much” or for still being hungry. Now I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here and I don’t want to eat. What’s the point if they’re all just gonna make me feel like crap about myself?

Don’t marry him because you “love” him. Don’t marry him because he ignites some flame, only to blow it out later. Don’t marry him because “you’ve never felt like this before.” Or because you feel the highest form of happiness only to be followed by sinking depression. Don’t be with him because he’s a challenge and because he makes your head hurt at night. Marry him, because he’s stable. Because you’re not afraid to talk about your problems. Because he speaks the truth and doesn’t try to conjure up a happy illusion. Because you still feel happy, complete and reassured. But for pete’s sake, don’t marry him because you “love” him.
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